Funny Questions Funny Thoughts

Funny Questions About Life - Part 6

2011-05-21T19:39:00.021-04:00

For months now, people from all over the world have been asking the same questions:

Do I have enough cans of Campbell’s Chunky soup in my end-of-the-earth 12-21-12 bunker? Where can I get that beautiful orange hair color like Donald Trump has? And how can I get more daily information on Charlie Sheen? I can’t answer any of these questions, but I can give you FUNNY QUESTIONS ABOUT LIFE - Part 6!

Funny Questions - Group 1: Do fish get thirsty? If everything you say is a lie, are you telling the truth, or lying? If we’re closer to death every day of our lives, is time really on our side? Why do some products state, “Not recommended for children over 12 years of age” - aren’t people over 12 years of age not children?

Funny Questions - Group 2: Why is Greenland made of ice and Iceland made of green grass? Doesn’t expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected? How come wrong numbers are never busy? If all the nations in the world are in debt, who’s got all the money? Why do some directions for medicine read, “Only apply to infected area” - where else would you apply it?

Funny Questions - Group 3: What color is a chameleon on a plaid shirt? Why is it when you transport something by car it’s called a shipment but when you transport by ship it’s called cargo? How come you never read about a psychic winning the lottery? Is it really necessary for the Postal Department to print the words, “Post Office will not deliver without postage” on your package?

Funny Questions - Group 4: Why do they call the airport a terminal if flying is supposed to be safe? Why is bra singular and panties plural? Why is the man who handles all your money called a broker? Why isn’t the word, phonetic - spelled the way it sounds? Did Adam and Eve have navels? Does anyone ever vanish with a trace?

Funny Questions - Group 5: Why are those “easy open” food packages never easy to open? How come when socks come out of the dryer, there’s only one of each? Why do gas stations advertise their prices with a 9/10 at the end - does that really help sell more gas? Why do restaurants offer appetizers - don’t you already have an appetite if you’re there? What happened to the other 56 varieties of Heinz 57 sauce? Why do some moist towelette packages come with instructions that read, “Open package and use” - what else would you do with them?

Funny Questions - Group 6: Why do some people feel the need to say, “Know what I’m saying?” after everything they say? How did James Bond know if his martini was shaken and not stirred? Why do people who sing the loudest tend to be the ones who are the most off key? Why do shampoo instructions read, “Rinse and repeat” - do they think we missed our head the first time? If one person is a size 52 and the other is a size 2 can one size really fit all?

And there it is. Funny Questions About Life - part 6. Of course feel free to reminisce with parts 1 through 5 and in the meantime I’ll scour the earth for more Funny Questions About Life for your entertainment pleasure. Disclaimer: Void where prohibited. Some assembly required. Not intended for off-road use. Avoid contact with skin. No other warranty expressed or implied. Do not use while operating a motor vehicle. Batteries not included. Your mileage may vary.

Funny Questions About Life - Part 5

2010-01-08T17:14:00.000-05:00

Funny Questions About Life - Part 5 Here comes the ultimate list of the funniest questions about life. I know, it’s hard to believe that I could actually come up with even more high quality, pithy, unanswerable funny questions while still maintaining the low standards of writing you’ve come to expect, but hey, it’s a living. Well actually, it’s not a living. It’s just one of those things I do to keep people all over the world like yourself amused for at least three minutes or more. Are you ready? Let’s do this!

Funny Questions - Group 1: If the #2 pencil is so popular, why is it still #2? How do you get off a non-stop flight? If love is blind, why is marriage such an eye opener? Do fish get cramps after eating? How can something be new and improved? When standing in line at the bank, fast food, or ticket line, why do people create two feet of imaginary space between themselves and the person being waited on?

Funny Questions - Cluster 2: Does virgin wool come from ugly sheep? Why do you get a ticket for wreck-less driving? Why are there five syllables in the word “monosyllabic”? Who was the first person to eat an oyster? Cottage cheese? Sour cream? If you jogged backwards, would you gain weight?

Funny Questions - Montage 3: How can you have a civil war? If builders don’t like building a 13th floor, why don’t authors skip chapter eleven? Why is it that your flashlight is really just a place to hold dead batteries? Why is cargo sent by ships and shipments sent by cars? During a flight, why do people treat those little one ounce pretzel packets like they're something really special?

Funny Questions - Compendium 4: Why do banks charge a non-sufficient funds fee when they already know there’s not enough money in your account? Why don’t people say, “It’s Only A Game” when they’re winning? If the bride is pregnant, should you throw puffed rice? Why is the Department of Interior responsible for everything outdoors? Why do we turn down the car radio when searching for our destination?

Funny Questions - Bundle 5: Why isn’t the number 11 pronounced onety-one? When two planes almost collide why do they call it a near miss? After using a public bathroom shouldn’t that wimpy air hand dryer’s last instruction read, “Wipe hands on pants”? Why don’t they give you a knife in Chinese restaurants? Why do people order a diet coke with their ten thousand calorie, super sized, fast food meal?

Funny Questions - Package 6: If you get an honorary degree from a college, does it entitle you to get an honorary job? Why do most “reality” TV shows have absolutely nothing to do with reality? Why do some movie previews feel the need to show you almost the entire movie? Is it me, or does all Mexican food seem to be the same, just folded differently? Why are you always the only one in your house that knows how to put a new toilet paper roll on the holder?

Funny Questions - Capsule 7: Are orthodox Jews automatically immune to the swine flu? How come it only rains on the days you’ve scheduled an outside activity? Why when men get older, do they lose hair on their heads but grow more out of their ears and nose? Why do people put the milk carton back in the fridge when there’s only a teaspoon of milk left in it? Why do people who don’t like fruit display artificial fruit all through their house? Why do two pound bags of uncooked popcorn cost about two bucks in the grocery store while a handful of popcorn costs seven bucks at the movie theatre?

And there you have it. All the remaining funny questions of life. Just kidding. I'm sure more will be popping up soon, just like mushrooms after the rain. Some funny, some mildly humorous, and some just down right harmful if swallowed. So please feel free to reminisce down memory lane with parts 1 through 4 and when the mood hits me right between the eyes, I’ll post even more funny questions of life!

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2009-12-30T23:43:00.000-05:00

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Funny Questions About Life - Part 4

2009-06-10T10:44:00.003-04:00

I’m amazed how people from all over the globe are checking out these funny questions of life. It just goes to show that no matter where you come from and no matter what you do, there’s always time to goof off. So keep on scrolling and get ready for: Funny Questions About Life - Part 4!

Confounding Questions - Group 1

If there’s a speed of light and a speed of sound, why isn’t there a speed of smell?

Why are toy hippopotamus always blue when they’re really grey or brown?

How can there be a Miss Universe when earth is the only planet represented?

How old do you have to be to die of old age?

Why do guys wear baseball caps backwards? Are they trying to shade their necks?

Crazy Questions of Life - Group 2

If you’re hungry and you know there’s nothing in the fridge, why do you keep going back and opening the door?

Does the word “vice-versa” confuse dyslexics?

Is there another word for “thesaurus”?

Why does every company’s phone message say, “This call may be recorded for quality purposes” when the quality never improves?

Why do Chinese restaurants provide forks and spoons, but no knives?

Quirky Questions of Life - Group 3

Why do grocery express checkout lanes always have the slowest checkers?

If four out of five doctors always recommend a product, who is that fifth stubborn doctor?

Who was the first person to crack open and oyster and say, “man, that looks tasty!”?

Why do steam irons have permanent press setting?

Why do they talk about color weather radar on the radio?

When you see a guy wearing pants almost to his ankles, are they pants that are too short or shorts that are too long?

Crazy Questions of Life - Group 4

How come the person who pulls out in front of you is always the person who drives

the slowest?

Why do women curl their eyelashes? Has anyone ever complimented them on their curliness?

Why do people order a piece of cheesecake with a diet Coke?

If a man makes a comment in the forrest with no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?

Why do they try to make pet food in TV commercials look good to humans?

Why do people wear socks with sandals? Would they also wear pants under their shorts?

Copious Questions - Group 5

Why does the freeway lane you change to always end up being the slowest?

And who is the first car in line that’s causing everyone to stop?

Why do people wash their dishes before putting them in the dishwasher?

When a person discovers the other person they are talking to doesn’t speak

their language, why do they start talking louder and slower?

So, have I finally discovered all the funny questions of life? Is this the final installment?

Are there no more questions left to wonder and plunder? Calm down Sparky, of course there’s more. So feel free to browse, reminisce, and savor through Parts 1 thru 3 and when I’m feeling curious (bored), I’ll post more funny questions of life!

Funny Questions About Life - Part 3

2009-05-25T11:25:00.008-04:00

Wall street. The auto industry. Big banks. These are just a few things NOT discussed in my latest addition of Funny Questions About Life - Part 3. In fact, I feel it’s my duty to ignore these serious questions of life. I’d rather ponder life’s unanswerable funny questions. So... let’s hit it!

Funny Questions - Group 1:

They make bullet proof vests, why not bullet proof pants?

If you pamper a cow do you get spoiled milk?

Why do dollar stores feel the need to advertise their prices?

Funny Questions - Group 2:

How do they get deer to cross at that yellow sign?

How can a product be both new and improved?

If all you have is loose change does that mean your money is tight?

Why is love so blind but marriage such an eye opener?

Why do they call those small candy bars ‘fun size”? Wouldn’t it be more fun to eat a large one?

If a man’s home is his castle, why is my closet filled with 70 pair of black high heels?

Can fat people really go skinny dipping?

When sheep rub up against each other, do they get static cling?

Funny Questions - Group 3:

The pizza is round, the box is square, why?

Do woodpeckers get headaches?

If feathers tickle people, why aren’t birds laughing all the time?

If Superman is so super, why does he wear his underwear outside his tights?

Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?

When you call into customer service and hear, “This call may be recorded

for quality control purposes,” how come the quality never improves?

Why do they have drive up windows for liquor stores when you can’t drink and drive?

Do Lipton Tea employees get coffee breaks?

Funny Questions - Group 4:

How can there be self help groups?

Why do croutons come in air tight packages, aren’t they already stale bread?

If you’re reading while on the toilet are you multitasking?

Why do drugstores make sick people walk all the way to the back of the store for their prescriptions?

Funny Questions - Group 5:

If the truth will set you free why was I always sent to my room?

How do you know when sour cream has gone bad?

Whose the mean person that decided nose job surgery should be called rhinoplasty?

How come you have to slow down your whole life, but when you die, they let the cars

run through red lights? What’s the hurry?

Oh, there’s a million of them. Most of them recycled, rehashed, and ridiculous, but what do you want for free? What’s even funnier are the people who attempt to answer these questions. Stay tuned for part 4 as I comb the depths of my mind... which should take less than a minute, and thanks for wasting a few moments of your life with Funny Questions About Life!

Funny Questions and Funny Thoughts About Life

2009-04-30T16:13:00.004-04:00

A few Funny Questions and Funny Thoughts about life for you to ponder.

There are many funny questions and funny thoughts about life. Some of these you may have stumbled upon, while other of these funny questions may be new. I have attempted to compile

the funny questions I personally like in this blog. If any of these funny questions and funny thoughts get you scratching your head, I've done my job. Ready? Here goes:

Funny Questions and Funny Thoughts - Number One:

If you put Miracle Whip on Wonder Bread must you also use Heavenly Ham?

Why does Hawaiian pizza have Canadian bacon on it?

What is fancy ketchup and how different is it from regular ketchup?

Do Dutch people ever split the bill?

Grape Nuts cereal. No grapes, no nuts. What's up with that?

Funny Question and Funny Thoughts - Number Two:

Can a pig pull a hamstring?

Do sheep ever get static cling?

If a cow could laugh would milk come out of its nose?

If you pampered a cow would you get spoiled milk?

Do fish get cramps after eating?

Funny Questions and Funny Thoughts - Number Three:

Why don't they make bullet proof pants?

Is there ever a day when mattresses are not on sale?

Is there ever a day when oriental rugs stores are not going out of business?

Funny Questions and Funny Thoughts - Number Four:

If one match can start a forrest fire, why does it take me a whole box and two cans of lighter fluid to start my grill?

What do they pack those styrofoam peanuts in for shipping?

What's the difference between partly cloudy and partly sunny?

Funny Questions and Funny Thoughts - Number Five:

Allstate Insurance says its not available in all states. Huh?

Donkey Kong involves a monkey. So why is isn't it called Monkey Kong?

How do you know when it's time to tune your bagpipes?

How cruel is it that there's an "S" in the word lisp?

Funny Questions and Funny Thoughts - Number Six:

Why aren't all psychics wealthy? (lottery, stock market, etc.)

How do you remove a club soda stain?

Have you ever seen a Jolly Rancher?

The next time someone says they've seen everything ask them,

have you ever seen a UPS truck parked in a parking space?

Funny Questions and Funny Thoughts - Number Seven:

If laughter is the best medicine, where did the phrase, "I died laughing" come from?

Can you really direct the flow of a bowling ball by waving your hands while it's in play?

If there are senior citizens how come there aren't junior citizens?

Has anyone ever been fooled by a comb-over?

Funny Questions and Funny Thoughts - Number Eight:

Why do doctors leave the room when you change if they've already seen you naked?

Why do we choose only two people to run for President but fifty to run for Miss America?

What do butterflies get in their stomachs when they're nervous?

Why do they nail down the lid of a coffin?

Funny Questions and Funny Thoughts - Number Nine:

Why is it called lipstick if it always comes off?

Why is the word abbreviation such a long word?

How do they put price stickers on non-stick pans?

Why do they sing, "Take me out to the ball game" if they're already there?

Sure, these are just a few Funny Questions and Funny Thoughts about life. There

are tons more funny questions out there and every once in a while I stumble upon a funny question of my own during the day. You know, one of those moments where you stop and say to yourself something like, Why does the shampoo bottle say rinse lather and repeat? Do they think we missed our heads the first time? When it comes to funny questions, the sky is the limit. And speaking of the sky, why did Kamikaze pilots wear helmets? Okay, you get the idea.

If you know of any funny questions and funny thoughts about life, feel free to share them on this blog. And thanks for wasting a few minutes of your time reading about my funny questions and funny thoughts about life. Now go do something worthwhile. Like figuring out what people in China call their good plates. Okay - I promise that's the last funny question in this blog.

Seriously. Quit reading. This act is over. All right, if you insist, look for Funny Questions About Life - Part 2 in this blog.

Funny Questions About Life - Part 2

2009-04-24T13:00:00.008-04:00

Back by popular demand, and because if I watch one more reality show I’m going to combust, I bring you, More funny questions About Life. Yes, it’s time once again to pretend you’re working while reading these idiotic, questions that have virtually no purpose or redeeming value what so ever. The good news however, is that they contain absolutely no trans fats and are loaded with vitamin B12. Ready? Here we go!

Funny - humorous - mildly amusing Questions 1:

What was the greatest thing before sliced bread?

How do deer know to cross at that yellow deer crossing sign?

If a cow could laugh, would milk come out of it’s nose?

When French people swear, do they say, “pardon my English”?

Comical - weird - witless Questions 2:

How fast do hot cakes really sell?

Why is the word abbreviation such a long word?

How much deeper would the ocean be if there were no sponges in it?

Do fish get cramps after eating?

Ridiculous - zany - laughable Questions 3:

Why do they call those small candy bars ‘fun size”? Wouldn’t it be more fun to eat a large one?

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

Why is the slowest time of the day for traffic called rush hour?

If stocks go down any further shouldn’t they change the name from Wall Street to Wall Mart Street?

Even more funny - giggle proof - joke filled Questions 4:

Why do banks chain down the pens but keep the doors unlocked?

Pineapple. No pine, no apples. What’s up with that?

Why do drive up ATM machines have braille number pads?

If you eat pasta and then eat anti-pasta, will you still be hungry?

Wry - slapstick - side splitting Questions 5:

Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?

Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

Why could the Mission Impossible people always solve the mission?

Why do they report power outages on TV?

Zany - laughable - toungue-in-cheek Questions 6:

Is there another word for thesaurus?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial ingredients while dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?

Why do some water bottles have ingredients listed on them?

Why do they put a post office box outside a post office if you’re already there?

Even more funny - ridiculous - nonsensical Questions 7:

Why don’t sheep shrink when it rains?

Who shuts the bus door when the bus driver gets off?

Why do people say they slept like a baby when babies wake up every two hours?

Why do bags of nuts have “may contain nuts” printed on them?

Now some of these you may have heard before and some may be brand new. But no matter what your opinion might be, that was about three minutes of your life you’ll never get back. Still, I hope you enjoyed Funny Questions About Life - Part 2. Look for Part Three coming to a computer screen near you. For more entertainment, please re-read, laugh, and repeat. That’s it for now. I’m not kidding. Really. Elvis has left the building.

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2009-04-01T15:52:00.003-04:00

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Funny Questions and Funny Thoughts About Life

2009-04-01T15:35:00.002-04:00

Welcome to Funny Questions and Funny Thoughts about life. A site dedicated to those funny questions and funny thoughts in life that never seem to have answers. If you have any questions not covered in Funny Questions and Funny Thoughts About Life please feel free to email them to info@funny-questions.blogspot.com