You've waited, you've counted the days, you've thought to yourself, "Is that all there is to the funny questions of life?" Man, you sure have a lot of time on your hands. But no worries, your wait has paid off. Yes, it's that time again when we ask those absurd questions that can't be answered. And do you know why we ask them? Because you the reader demand it! Well, that and we had some spare time of our own to kill.
Why aren't marbles made of marble? What happens when you call a 1-800 number collect? What is a picture of a thousand words really worth? What do you use to clean a soap stain? How do you throw out a recycling bin?
What was Captain Hook's name before he got the hook? Why can't you put garbage in a garbage disposal? Why does Bugs Bunny walk around naked, but put on a bathing suit when he goes swimming? Why do some dangerous products say, "If swallowed, do not induce vomiting"? Wait, what? We're just supposed keep it inside?
Is it possible to plan ahead in order to be spontaneous? Why are semi-trucks bigger than regular trucks? What did they call antiques back in the old days? If you have a bad memory, does that mean you also have a clear conscience?
What would you get if you mated a Bulldog with a Shih Tzu? (think about it) Why does night fall while day breaks? If someone at the Better Business Bureau cheats you, where do you file a complaint? Why doesn't the glue stick to the inside of the bottle? Is it possible to be un-thirsty?
How come no one eats the last bite of food on the appetizer plate? Why do manufacturer's plastic bags state, "Warning: this is not a toy"? Do they think we're going to make balloon animals out of them? Why does the phone and/or doorbell ring the moment you sit down in front of the television with a plate full of food?
Why do most customer service messages state, "This call may be recorded for quality purposes" but the quality never improves? How can you prove there are actually two scoops of raisins in Raisin Brand Cereal? Why do they call it a hot water heater? If the water was already hot, it wound't need a heater. Why are oriental rug stores always having "going out of business" sales, but they never seem to close?
And that's a wrap for all those funny questions that can't be answered, at least for the moment. However, feel free to visit or revisit parts 1 through 6 and laugh your ass off. And once done, we would greatly appreciate it if you'd send a picture of your ass-less backside to us for everyone's entertainment pleasure. Please be advised your ass-less picture will not be returned. Legal disclaimer: we can't guarantee you'll find these questions funny or even remotely related to your life. In the event neither applies, we suggest you get a life. This article will self destruct in 15 seconds...fourteen... thirteen....